November 3, 2019
My Dad was born a twin with sister Rose - without Google searching his year of his birth - I cannot tell the reader when he was born because I don't know.
I know according to one of my brother's, that when my Dad was in the hospital - he shared with my brother that he hoped he was, "good at dying". This is a profound statement, meaning to me that he wished to be good.
I flew to Omaha in January on a very, very cold night, arriving after midnight, alongside my oldest brother, Michael. He had rented a vehicle and we drove together to the hospital for my father's last 24 hours of life. When we arrived both my sister and 2nd oldest brother were there, and quickly departed to my father's apartment to rest. I wanted to have some time alone with Dad and my eldest brother left on my request. I falsly told my Dad I forgave him. I actually did not feel that way at all. Instead I lied to him in order that he could die without a thought of regret - he tried to speak to me but he could not due to an intubation tube, and so I could not interpret what he had to say. He was very hot, and so I was placing cool washcloths on his forehead as the rest of my family slowly arrived and gathered in the hospital room.
When my Dad died I was standing next to him with the rest of the family surrounding his bed. There came to be a conversation or series of conversations that progressed whereby how Dad's body, which was to be donated for science was going to be given as there were 2 different aspects of my dad's body that were of interest to the hospital. One was his heart condition which was in want to be studied, and the other was the donation of his organs. We were not much involved in the conversation , and we talked while Dad's body lay still in the middle of the hospital room. It was odd.
Waves of thoughts and emotions permeated my waiting that day....Pedophiles gaslighting vulnerabilities opening to mind manipulation severe gaslighting during attachment, narcissists, loved and cared for abandon thoughts and ideas about self, accept someone elses story to believe something that is or isn't true and on and so forth.
invisible child, but wants to talk, wants to be let out of space
My Dad was born a twin with sister Rose - without Google searching his year of his birth - I cannot tell the reader when he was born because I don't know.
I know according to one of my brother's, that when my Dad was in the hospital - he shared with my brother that he hoped he was, "good at dying". This is a profound statement, meaning to me that he wished to be good.
I flew to Omaha in January on a very, very cold night, arriving after midnight, alongside my oldest brother, Michael. He had rented a vehicle and we drove together to the hospital for my father's last 24 hours of life. When we arrived both my sister and 2nd oldest brother were there, and quickly departed to my father's apartment to rest. I wanted to have some time alone with Dad and my eldest brother left on my request. I falsly told my Dad I forgave him. I actually did not feel that way at all. Instead I lied to him in order that he could die without a thought of regret - he tried to speak to me but he could not due to an intubation tube, and so I could not interpret what he had to say. He was very hot, and so I was placing cool washcloths on his forehead as the rest of my family slowly arrived and gathered in the hospital room.
When my Dad died I was standing next to him with the rest of the family surrounding his bed. There came to be a conversation or series of conversations that progressed whereby how Dad's body, which was to be donated for science was going to be given as there were 2 different aspects of my dad's body that were of interest to the hospital. One was his heart condition which was in want to be studied, and the other was the donation of his organs. We were not much involved in the conversation , and we talked while Dad's body lay still in the middle of the hospital room. It was odd.
Waves of thoughts and emotions permeated my waiting that day....Pedophiles gaslighting vulnerabilities opening to mind manipulation severe gaslighting during attachment, narcissists, loved and cared for abandon thoughts and ideas about self, accept someone elses story to believe something that is or isn't true and on and so forth.
invisible child, but wants to talk, wants to be let out of space
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